This whole thing started when I discovered this website, verysmartbrothas.com. The site is great: smart, funny, witty to the point of biting. Engaging. But sometimes, and only sometimes, there would be a sentence here or there that would betray a certain bitterness towards women, downright hatred in some places. And I would be like, “really?!”
I used to be a little merciless towards men when I was younger. I used to say, “what’s the point of men? I don’t see the point of them.” I don’t know how long it took for that to go away but it’s gone now. Maybe it’s ’cause I read my Bible more, maybe I just met enough good men, maybe a combo. It’s funny because the information itself is no different. There really seems to be no point to men. So says the woman, whose creation was almost entirely utilitarian. Maybe it’s my nature to ask “what’s the point of you?” Not as an insult, merely a conversation piece. But men were created on a whim. Literally, God was like “hey, you wanna do something cool? let’s do this.” And it was good! Yay God, yay man! No one disputes that.
Anyways, I came across an entire article that was pretty damn hurtful. It was entitled: Why (Some) Women Are Reluctant To Accept That “Game” Works. I was drawn to the article b/c I was its target audience. Game doesn’t work on me. At least not very well. Sometimes a guy is running game on me and I just let him, either b/c it’s easier than having to embarrass the poor dude or b/c he’s trying to get me to do something I already want to do. I’m not talking about sex or anything but I could just as easily be. I think a lot women are in this boat. But there are sometimes you come across a smooth one. In some circles, you could call him a “sociopath.” It might take you 3 weeks, might take you 3 years to realize you fell into a trap he had set for you. And you’re like “sonofa…”
But according to this article I was in denial. I’d seen game work on other poor women of ill repute, so I knew it worked, just not on me. Well, this article set me straight with its first point:
1. Admitting that game works completely contradicts one of the most prominent and protected tenets of womanhood: All women are unquestionably and undoubtedly unique.
Ever since the day they were born (or, if you’re a woman from Harlem, The Hill District, or Lincoln Heights, ever since their mothers decided to name them “Shauntananique“), most women have had the idea that they were extremely special and extremely precious repeatedly beat into their heads. Now, this isn’t a bad thing. Any good parent is going to do everything they can to make sure their daughter has a healthy portion of self-esteem. I mean, if I ever decide to have a daughter and she comes to me crying about not getting invited to a classmate’s sleepover, I probably won’t tell her “Hey, young daughter of The Champ, don’t worry about it. You weren’t invited because you’re not really all that special, and, well, you’re not really all that special so get used to disappointment.”
But, with this perpetual positive reinforcement cunninglingus comes a natural aversion to accepting the idea that game works because, well, game works by reinforcing the idea that each individual woman isn’t really all that special. The sense of ”Well, maybe that happened to her…but that damn sure aint gonna happen to me,” doesn’t fly because, with slight variations, the same techniques that worked with Debbie in Des Moines work just as well with Tisha in Tampa, Brittany in Boston, and Changpu in Chicago (she’s an exchange student).
Well, after reading that I had a choice. I could’ve taken the information to heart. Had the statement been subtle, I might’ve taken it in without knowing, but this wasn’t a flaming dart, this was a meteor. It was big, it was slow, and it was coming towards me. Was I going to dodge it, or was I going to let it hit me? I decided to dodge it. I said, “no. I see what he’s trying to say but it’s unfortunately not true and ill-informed.” But it wasn’t the end. I even left a comment thinking that a little truth combat would resolve this feeling I had. But it didn’t. I had dodged the meteor but it was now lodged in the ground, smoking, killing the plants. It was an impertinence, and I couldn’t help wondering, “where did it come from?”
The comment I left was something like, “the schemes of the devil work too, don’t make it right.” Which was true but kind of beside the point. It bothered me that this guy thought we were truly predictable and refused to admit it, to give up this illusion of uniqueness because we’re so delusional and irrational. But it bothered me more is that I didn’t know how to prove him wrong, I just knew that he was wrong. Yes, there are a lot of people who eat McDonald’s, yes there is a high rate of success for people who own a McDonald’s for this very reason. Does it make the people who eat there predictable and average? No. But sort of. And the fact that diabolically tricking women to get what you want out of them seemed to not be an issue was really flooring me. The funny thing about using tricks to get people to do what you want is that the more you do it, the more you lose respect for them. They do become less like individuals in your eyes and more like pawns, easily led by…whatever. Surely there is a choice guys can make. Is this really what guys have to do to get us to see a good thing? Are we really this contradictory and complicated?
Luckily, I had a random guy message me the other day so I was able to ask him what he thought about it. He went on about the old tennet that hot guys don’t have to do much of anything, and yet some guys who are average or less than average manage to get these attractive women so “game” is the missing link between these outliers that makes sense of their world. Then I responded:
I have to say, that just seems like a terrible way to go about things. I’m pretty attractive, smart, funny, interesting, easy going, I like sports, I cook things, blah blah. I’ve been single for a long ass time. But from what I can gather, all that goes under the category of “that’s life.” That shit builds character.
Right then…RIGHT THEN. I figured it out. That…shit…BUILDS……
CHARACTER.
Believe it or not, that is what we’re looking for, whether we know it or not. Why? Because that’s what we’re made to do. We are not only man’s mate, but we are helper. We are incentive to do good and to be the best. When man is struggling through this shit world, and they want to quit and they think “what’s the use?” we are the use. We say “yaaay, go man go.” And they are made to love us, therefore they respond positively to that type of reinforcement. It’s a beautiful, natural synergy.
But somewhere along the way, something happened. Some man said, “this is too hard. How can I just get the beautiful woman?” Maybe they saw how easy it was for some other guy, or just decided they were never gonna be good but they still wanted a mate. And call me crazy I’m just gonna throw this out there, maybe at some point having women became a sign of personal power, strength, skill, prowess, etc. etc. So some men decided to forego the natural way of things and decided to make the prize the main thing, over what the prize can do to benefit you and others. It would be like if the old proverb about “teaching a man to fish” became so highly regarded, that everyone lied about how many people learned by their hand and fishing pole sales went through the roof.
At some point, word got out that desperation in a man is unattractive. It’s annoying, I know. I’ve been desperate for things I wasn’t able to get. Seems like when you’re desperate for something, that’s precisely the time you should have it, right? In most cases not really. What should you do then? Stop being desperate. How do you do that? Wait. See that not having what you’re desperate will not kill you, not even a little bit. That’s very hard. But life responds to this way, which is the natural way.
What you shouldn’t do is pretend to not be desperate. Unfortunately this is what most men do. So when men say things like, “when you see a beautiful woman, pretend like you don’t want her,” what they’re really doing is mimicking something that looks like good character. Because men who have the experience of being around beautiful women realize that all that glitters ain’t gold, so they stop trippin. This is known as developing character. But perhaps you have not yet developed this. Perhaps you know the truth about beauty in theory, but are still desperate to test said theory out. So you run game. Let’s say game works. Well guess what? That character trait you’re faking? You can’t maintain it very long. And surprise! The relationship doesn’t last.
Is this how the average modern relationship is built???!?! *shudders*
No wonder everything is a mess.
My recommendation to men would be this: build character. It’s harder than just scheming, it’s true, but in the long run, it will be much better for everyone. Because at this point, the current system is filling this world with deceit, and you don’t want to be reaping all that for the rest of your life (or in Buddhist terms, karma is a b$*#!
And you might be saying, “well…building character is hard and it takes a long time.” ding ding ding! That’s why it works. And guess what else? The harder your life sucks, the faster your character will grow, especially if you do it intentionally. Don’t have a woman right now? Every day that you deal with that is building your character. Worried about what to do when you do get a woman? Challenge yourself. Do something that scares you. Pick a fear then conquer it. Then you won’t have to wonder if you’re the man nor not, or wait for me to say it, you’ll know. And I won’t matter so much. Take a ballroom dance class. That will help you with about… 80% of all women-related things you’ll need. “But that’s totally weird and I’ll feel like a weirdo doing that.” Hi, did you just get here?? SUCK…IT…UP. CHARACTER.
Listen, I can’t speak for everyone obviously, but the women out here are building character themselves. They’re learning, growing, getting better, getting over themselves, being single and learning to love that. And if guys are doing nothing of the sort, then relationships are going to be forever unequal. What we’re asking for doesn’t take long to build. Quit complaining that our standards are too high. You wouldn’t ask anyother institution in life to do that. Juliard is not lowering its standards for you, nor is Burger King. Yet take solace in the fact that nothing is fixed. If you’re not good enough this year, try again NEXT YEAR. THIS IS HOW EVERYTHING ELSE IS DONE. And surprisingly, the person that didn’t make it last year can, with time, be the golden standard the next. Why is that?
Because people grow. They develop. They build character.
If we expect this from every aspect of society from performers to pee tests at Fed Ex, why should we make an exception for what is supposed to be the most important thing we’ll do in life???
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