I’ve been gone a long time, I know. And what’s brought me back is not an update:
http://community.sparknotes.com/index.php/2009/02/18/the-worst-sex-education-in-history/#1213124
here’s the text:
The Worst Sex (Education) in History Feb 18, 2009
Florida’s bay area is experiencing a huge increase in STDs, with rates of infection among teenagers nearly doubled since the 1990s. It’s a statistic that doesn’t make any sense (didn’t we just hear that you guys are having less sex these days?) except that Florida is one of the many states that began teaching abstinence-only sex education about, oh, ten years ago.
Wow, weird coincidence, huh?
Most people would look at these stats and conclude that abstinence education—which has been criticized for, among other things, misrepresenting the effectiveness of condoms in preventing pregnancy and STDs—is neither effective nor educational. But for fans of abstinence education, not even an army of syphilis-infected 14-year-olds proves that their programs don’t work. Boy, would I love to be a fly on the wall at those school board meetings:
Board Member #1: Bill, I just don’t understand it. We’ve had our abstinence education program in place for ten years, but kids are still doing it!
Board Member #2: I know! They’re… they’re… sexing each other! All the time!
Board Member #1: I mean, what more do they want? We told them not to do it!
Board Member #2: We did! We told them specifically not to sex each other! It’s like they aren’t listening. What are we supposed to do now?
Non-Clueless Board Member: Maybe we should expand the program to include some information about condoms.
Board Member #1: No way. Are you crazy? You know what will happen! First you show them a condom, and the next thing you know, they’re running all over the place with their dingles and hoo-has hanging out!
Slightly Less Clueless Board Member: Dingles and… do you mean “penises” and “vaginas”?
Board Member #1: I will not tolerate language like that at this meeting!
Slightly Less Clueless Board Member: But those are the scientific term—
Board Member #1: Enough! Look, how about this: let’s just go back out there and tell them not to have sex with each other. Except this time we’ll say it, like, really loud.
Board Member #2: Great idea. Really, I don’t understand why they’re having such a hard time with this. Just don’t have sex! That’s it! How hard is it to just not have sex?
Board Member #1: I don’t get it either, Bill. Abstinence isn’t so hard. I mean, my wife hasn’t had sex with me in years.
I literally had something I can only describe as a “head storm” after reading this. First of all, this may be the first time I’ve ever seen a NEWS story include a f*@% skit. Secondly, it is not just my pet peeve, but my full overgrown peeve when people make fun of other people trying to help. Not people who are helping making fun of other people who are helping, but people who aren’t helping, ain’t doin S*@%!, making fun of other people trying to help. In other words, I hate mockery. UUUGHHHGHHHGHHHHHH!H!HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAAAATTTTEEE IIIAAAAEETTTTTTTT!!!
Thirdly, it is so beyond unscientific to ASSUME– and you KNOW what happens when you assume– that because there’s been ten years of STD’s, and the program started ten years ago, that the program is the cause of the pregnancy and STD’s. Are you on crack? There are just as many unsuccessful non-abstinence programs and you know why? B/c the constant is the teens. The teens, for some reason, are lazy no good bastards.
“Don’t have sex.”
“Nah, I’m going to.”
“Okay, if you’re gonna have sex use a condom, go to the doctor, use all these eighty different kinds of contraceptive, do this kind of yoga, optiony options blah blah myriad blah options.”
“Oh what, I gotta leave the house to do that? What if that dude says no, what if that girl asks me for the truth? Nah I’m not doin’ that.”
Tell me why I should be in so much mental anguish over some people that at 10 and 12 have shown a COMPLETE depletion in character? What am I supposed to do about that?
Fourthly, and I’m not even a fan of sex having to be taught in school let alone abstinence-only education, it sounds like basically they were right. Sound like they said don’t have sex or it won’t be pretty and you didn’t listen and you look like an ass now ‘cuz your parents ain’t never even seen what you got yourself into. So it sound like some people mad b/c you confirmed their beliefs about you and your beliefs about you, and you want it to not be because they’re completely devoid of self-control, you wanna blame the program, so you can have better sleep. Well then let’s not even beat around the bush anymore. Teaching abstinence was trying to give them a little freedom, a little benefit of the doubt that maybe people can make good decisions still but they clearly can’t so let’s just do what we all really wanna do, and corral these monkeys up single file. Here boys, don’t you leave the house without this condom on yo’ dick. Here girls, line up and get some of this cocktail shot in your arm. It’s equal parts contraceptive, gardisil, clorox, and some roofies to make you nice company. There now, we can all fall asleep in our nice peaceful controlled world where we can’t even tell that our character is so shit we can’t stay in one place too long, and we’ll rely on the government and/or capitalism when it feels too horrible to be sad and/or happy. That’s better isn’t it?
*sigh* now i’m better.
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