Warning: Top Chef Finale Spoiler Included
I am so heated.
It’s the Top Chef Season finale, Part 1. Four chefs remain: Richard, Stephanie, Antonia, Lisa. Richard and Stephanie are clearly the two strongest, Antoinia’s next and then…Lisa.
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. I have never seen someone so deserving of being sent home. Every episode I watch I am hoping two things: that Lisa finally goes home, or that Lisa does something to freakin’ wow me, or at least live up to her own talk. It’s not that she can’t cook, she obviously arrived with something, and she can talk up some good stuff. But her dishes never quite come together, she makes everyone’s life hell in the kitchen, her personality is like, this stupid taking up of negative and inconsequential space. She’s been in the bottom two like, eleven of the 15 times or something. She’s alienated about two or three of the other chefs directly, but on average no one wants to work with her. She has this illusion that she’s really good, but she keeps getting called out over technicalities because that’s all they have to go on. This illusion has even led to her pointing out the mistakes of others, thinking that somehow she was a victim of this technical system. No lesbo, your food doesn’t taste good.
And for some reason, someone always f*cks up just worse enough than her, when it’s time to go home. They could’ve won the earlier challenge, been the best chef up to that point, but when it’s time for elimination, they decide to forget the salt, try to cook grass, serve their overcooked tenderloin, cook frozen soggy scallops, or get a ridiculous attitude, and they gotta go home. In the meantime Lisa, who is just genuinely mediocre, gets by just because her off days happen to be consistent. It results in you being mad at her for making you sit through another one of her stupid needless dramas, and mad at the chefs for picking such a time to drop the friggin ball.
So through this magical process of sucking, Lisa has managed to take out some really cool chefs. You’re not that mad about it at first because they were going to go home eventually anyway, but then she takes out some people that you really wanted to keep watching what they cooked. Then she took out Dale, one of the best chefs of the season, because he was leader of the team that she was on. It didn’t help that his temper is beyond short. It then became maddening because she just flat out didn’t deserve to be that far up in the game. WTF you guys, don’t lose your nerve, don’t choke, don’t try something new, for God sake if you’re not going to do it for yourself, do it for the poor folks at home that have to watch this madness.
So, okay. Finale. Lisa’s there but whatever, she’s goin home today so it doesn’t matter. Richard and Stephanie got this, and Antonia is surprising everyone with her great flavors. Lisa’s personality sucks so all she has left to go on is her cooking so, holla. She’s giving warning signs all through the show like she usually does. She has Asian influences but she decides to cook Latin, since they’re in Puerto Rico. Classic mistake, switching up your own style to appease people that have eaten their style of food their entire lives. I’m thinkin’ she’s goin down, good. I can relax. Meanwhile, they put in a little foreshadowing about Antoinia not being quite as focused as usual, but she’s not unaware of herself, she promises to pull it together, so I’m not worried.
So guess who’s in the bottom two. Well there’s only four left, so Antonia would have to go into the bottom two anyway, and of course, Lisa. They give Lisa the same “didn’t quite execute it” speech and then turn to Antonia. Why is Antonia there you’re inquiring? Well as expected her flavors weren’t bad. But instead of serving the entrees on three separate plates as usual, she just put all the dishes on one plate, which made them just blend together and not be distinct. In fact, she gave them this crap-ass plate of brownness, and undercooked the damn beans.
Of course, illustrating that picture with words takes a lot more volume and word combinations.
I was at home, screaming at Antonia. WTF!!!! It didn’t help me that she was in tears, it didn’t help me that she wanted it “so bad,” and that her daughter said don’t bother comin’ home unless you win. Everyone was obviously bluffing, because she got distracted, slapped some crap-ass yuca on a plate with some undone beans, talkin’ bout “I like them al dente.” Them judges were like, “ain’t no such thing as no damn al dente beans you just didn’t cook ‘em.” And now, Lisa’s in the TOP THREE?!?! She’s like a cancer and somebody has to stop her!! Now Richard and Stephanie can’t cook in peace cuz they got bad karma case cookin next to them bangin stuff, bein’ all dramatic, and overcookin rice tryin’ to blame it on somebody tryin’ to sabotage her. And when they found out Antonia was going home they were sooo shocked, lol. But they handled it, and you know what Lisa said? “You guys coulda congratulated me on winning, ya’ll just said bye to Antonia. It makes me feel like ya’ll think the wrong chef went home.”
They tried to clean it up but, the damage was already done. So now she’s got more fuel to her demonic fire, and I won’t even know what to DO if they don’t send her ass home next week. The problem is, the judges have to go by the cooking, they are probably praying that someone would just keep it together long enough for her to go home, and probably just as fascinated. It just came on again and I’m sittin’ here havin to watch Antonia look all sad. That just makes me so mad, that was on HER to keep herself in the game, all she had to do, was not cook a plate of brown undercooked sh*t. I mean really, that was all she had to do. But what’d she do? What’d she do? She coulda just cooked a really really awesome plate of scrambled eggs and stayed, in, the friggin, GAME. I am TELLING YOUUUUUAH. UUGGGHHHHHH!
Anyway. I just had to stop yelling at my tv and get this complete frustration and disappointment out of me before it killed me. UGGGHHHHH!!!
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